Saturday, February 18, 2017

Note to an anxious client:

To a mother of an adult child:

Good job setting a boundary!

Your clear, simple and brief boundary setting with your son will directly reduce your physical stress which reduces your mental anxiety.

When I act like I have choice for others (which I very seldom do) I am choosing to disorient myself.  This is a physical choice with physical consequences. (Increases my physical stress and therefore my level of anxiety.)

When I am aware that I have a choice to make for me and I am honest with myself that the choice has physical consequences (known and unknown) attached... when I make the choices in this way it has a logical foundation.  The choice is congruent.  The choice may be risky or foolish but my thinking ego is truth-ing with the body.  The body knows to be ready for risk.  This is congruent.  It may be fatal but it is congruent.  My body is used to congruent risk.  My body can orient itself and strive to be ready. The consciousness of the mind and the memory in my muscles and in my physical nervous system will work together to try to reduce the risk and try to keep me safe.

If I am intent on jaywalking (or skiing, or doing gymnastics, or wall climbing, or going to a rock concert, and choose to do it consciously and purposefully and I am aware of the apparent risks and aware that there are unknown risks and I am willing to accept the consequences of my risky choice... then I would label the choice "congruent" and oriented.

If I impulsively step off the curb (or the slope etc.)  without any awareness or processing and therefore no consideration or ownership of consequences ...I would label this an in-congruent and disoriented choice.  This is much more dangerous than the previous example.  Even though I am oblivious, my physical stress and resultant anxiety will go up much more dramatically than it would in the previous example.  It will stay elevated until I demonstrate to my body that I am much less oblivious and am ready to process things more deliberately (with ownership).

When you choose to be oblivious to your own physical need to remember that you do not actually have a choice regarding your son's well being ... you are choosing to be in-congruent and disoriented and you are choosing to dramatically increase your short term and longer term stress and anxiety.

When you chose this time to set a proper (simple, moodless and very brief) boundary with your son, you are choosing the consequence of significantly reduced short term and long term stress and anxiety. 

You feel better because you are doing congruent and oriented self care. (Better self care.)

Great Job!!!


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